Evilest Evil Contest of Doom!
by Whirlpool of Madness
Summary: Marik and Bakura have a contest to see who is the evilest. Ryou is the judge. The winner shall be the most surprising. Please Review!
1. Marik vs Bakura!

**A/N: As you read this, you may think I'm insane. Well, I am, just a little. So, keep that in mind and enjoy this wonderful crack that came to me while riding the bus to school!**

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><p>The television was on in the living room of the two main Yu-Gi-Oh antagonists' apartment. It happened that the blond one, Marik, was watching Batman while the albino, Bakura, was sitting on the couch next to the before said Egyptian, not caring, as usual. It would only seem normal that Marik would soon come up with some randomly generated idea that was somehow inspired from the show on TV. So, when Marik shook Bakura by the shoulder, it was only to be expected by the thief. He rolled his eyes, "What, Marik?"<p>

"You are my sidekick, right?" Marik asked with a look of pure innocence, raising a thin blond eyebrow with his question.

Bakura first pondered before he answered, _how do his eyes get that big? I know we are anime characters, but this is ridiculous! His eyes are huge! _The Brit then decided to answer the question as he had kept his childish partner in crime waiting long enough, "No, if anything, **you** would be the sidekick because I am the main antagonist."

Marik's face immediately dropped. "B-But I killed people!"

"I only counted one Steve, which was mostly his fault for listening to an idiot such as you." Bakura stated while lifting an index finger to emphasize the amount killed.

Marik pouted, "Well, I have my own gang of Rare Hunters!" he retorted.

"King of Thieves, I had all the lower thieves under my control and they, unlike your little buddies you call a gang, feared me." Bakura had his eyes closed at this point, since he seemed to be easily overpowering Marik with his explanations.

"Well at least I wasn't such a crybaby during season two!" Marik huffed while narrowing his eyes into what looked to be a scowl and crossing his arms.

"Marik, I never cried once. You had plans that always involved me getting hurt. It actually makes me question our partnership."

The boy remained in his mood of anger without saying a word. Bakura knew he would regret it, but the silence was so unnatural, he had to peek, he opened one eye and the sandy blond instantly turned back to him. "I have an idea!"

"Well that is never good."

Marik pretended not to hear his roommate, "I propose we have a contest to see who is the evilest!" he stated in the proudest voice he could muster while projecting his chest.

Bakura tried not to laugh at the idiocy that was Marik. "Really?"

"Yes! I will decide what happens by what I'm good at!"

Bakura brought a hand to his chin, "So the contest will have us do nothing?"

"NO! I am good at many things!"

"Oh, excuse me," Bakura stated, "we are going to see who dresses the most effeminate?" he finished with a smirk.

"Ye- NO! We are going white water rafting and then we will ride motorcycles through parking lots backwards while doing wheelies and flipping and then we will light a school on fire because it is evil!"

Bakura's right eye twitched before he began, "Well, I propose we allow Ryou to be judge and decide on what we do."

Marik's eyebrow rose again, "Why?"

"Because Ryou knows what I'm good at." Bakura stated while getting off the couch.

"Hey! Bakura! That isn't fair!"

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><p>Soon enough, Bakura and Marik had arrived at Ryou's apartment. They stood outside, ringing the bell that had a sticker next to it with Ryou's name written in small print. It was only then that the door to the apartment complex opened and another albino came into the picture, "Oh, no. I thought you were the pizza man." He muttered, clutching a blanket over his shoulders.<p>

"Oh boy! You ordered pizza? Maybe we should stay!" An enthusiastic Marik practically screamed to Bakura.

Ryou's eyes only widened at the thought, Bakura ate like a deranged animal and Marik was a vegetarian. He would have to make a second order and he did not have much more money for the month until his father sent more. Bakura then calmed his hikari's fears, "We will order pizza at home." That is until Bakura asked, or commanded in his case, for what he had come for in the first place, "However, Marik and I would like you to be a judge for a contest to see who is eviler."

Marik then jumped in, "The loser is the winner's sidekick!"

Bakura looked somewhere between annoyed and thoroughly pissed off. Ryou decided he mind as well, seeing that Bakura did not look to be one to take no for an answer at the moment. Considering who he was with constantly, it made sense, so it was agreed that the next day, Ryou would come up with challenges for the arguing twosome, to see who was evilest.

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><p>Bakura knew he was going to win, so he ate his pizza and really did not care about the entire ordeal. Where Marik, on the other hand, scarfed down his pizza and went straight to bed so he could be ready for the contest.<p>

Ryou seemed to have the most trouble of all that night. He was not an evil person. How could he possibly think of any trial to test a person for the trait? He paced his bedroom and watching him from his closet, was a shadow that he did not know even existed… yet.

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><p><strong>AN: So, this is where I leave you for now. Anyone know who the shadow is? Probably not, it is really random.**

**Also, I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, Batman, pizza companies, or apartment complexes. However, I do own the idea for this madness I've created.**


	2. The Contest Begins and Who!

**A/N: So, nobody has guessed who is stalking Ryou, but nearly everyone who reviewed thinks Bakura will win, so I guess everyone will have to wait and see.**

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><p>It was rather early in the morning for the villains, but since they had they had received a text from Ryou telling them to come to his apartment immediately, they began to leave their own apartment right away. It was a quiet walk which seemed rather surprising to Bakura. Marik always would talk about <em>something<em>; it was just out of character for him not to be the chatterbox he was. He recalled even when eating breakfast, Marik was mysteriously silent too. He also was dressed differently than usual, instead of his normal lavender, midriff flaunting, hoodie and black jeans, he now wore a black tank with sweat pants; Bakura had asked about his clothing choice for the day to only find out that Marik did not know if anything physical would happen, and he wanted to be prepared to, as Marik had put it, 'Kick some British ass! …but NOT Ryou's!'

They finally arrived at the apartment, to find a rather surprising scene lying before them. There was a blue tent outside the complex; from the inside of the tent they could hear Ryou coughing. He sounded really ill, so ill in fact, Bakura almost felt the contest should be postponed until the judge had gotten better. Though, Marik obviously did not feel the same as he unzipped the tent to see Ryou inside with the same blanket he had around him the day before wrapped around him yet again. Also Ryou, already being pale, simply had a green tint to his complexion and his hair was a mess, making Bakura's fashion statement look like an average haircut. Marik looked up from his kneeling position in front of the tent towards Bakura, "I think Ryou is sick."

"No way, Marik, really?" Bakura asked with his accented voice dripping sarcasm as his arms remained crossed.

Marik attempted a glare and then turned to Ryou, "Ryou are you okay?"

Ryou's voice was barely above a whisper as he croaked, "For right… now…"

Bakura approached the tent and got down on his knees next to Marik, "Why exactly are you in a tent?"

Ryou sniffled, "I can't…. stay in there…. With HIM!" his eyes filled with fear.

Both villains looked terribly confused. Marik tried his attempt, "Do you mean Melvin? You know he just thinks you are his kitten."

"No…" Ryou sharply coughed, "The Slenderman…"

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "The Slenderman?"

"Yes… The Slenderman…"

"I'm not sure I trust this. You look sick enough; it could have been a hallucination."

"No! …He is in my closet… He is the reason… I'm so sick… right now…" Ryou sniffled again.

"I don't really believe this Ryou." Bakura stated with a hint of concern.

"But it's true! …He is really… there…" Ryou's voice quavered.

Marik then stood up, "I have an idea," he announced before raising his hands to the sides of his face and shouting, "Hey Slendy, if you're there, say something!"

The three boys found themselves looking up at window of Ryou's apartment. There appeared to be nothing suspicious, until they heard the sound of a window unlocking and a face-less head poked out of the window, "Hey guuuuuuuuuuuys!"

Bakura's jaw dropped in astonishment he looked back to Ryou who was glaring at him, "Told you…"

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><p>As Marik and Bakura realized Ryou was actually not sick and just exhibiting symptoms of being stalked by the Slenderman, they found themselves sitting in the tent. Ryou was saying between coughs what he had planned for the contest. Apparently, it would be the best two out of three challenges. So, if Marik or Bakura won consecutively twice, then the third challenge would not even have to occur. Then the first challenge was issued, "I decided… only a truly evil person… would be able to get-" Ryou went through a coughing fit, "the Slenderman out of my apartment… So… whoever gets the Slenderman out first… wins…"<p>

Bakura climbed out of the tent first, he seemed to have a plan. Marik climbed out second to pace the front of the complex yard. He was not sure how to get the Slenderman out of Ryou's closet. It was going to be tricky. Perhaps he could lure the faceless being. Or maybe trap the un-proportionate demon. So the Egyptian finally concluded he would need to find rope, or something the Slenderman liked. Marik began to think to himself while running a hand through sandy blond hair, _what would the Slenderman like? Perhaps a small child? I don't think I can get one of those…_

Meanwhile, Bakura was digging through his wallet; _I've got to have one in here!_ His thoughts were shouting in his head. The albino finally turned to tipping the wallet upside down and watching its contents fall upon the sidewalk. There were a few dollars, tons of change, and a credit card. He sat down to count all the change and came to thirty-seven dollars and thirty-four cents in change. A purely evil grin spread across his face, scaring several children who passed by on the sidewalk. His red-brown eyes flashed with a look of a demon as he gathered up his money and walked to a nearby store. It was inside the store he went to a cashier and in his best impression of Ryou, asked for change. The woman behind the counter smiled at him and easily did the task. After receiving the paper money from all his change, Bakura stuffed the money back into his wallet leaving out only one specific bill. It was very necessary to the plan he had in mind.

After stuffing that particular bill into a separate pocket, the former thief king looked up to find to his surprise, Marik. It appeared he was cashing out, he had bought several nets. The white haired villain was about to burst out laughing. He could not believe he was competing with Marik, had he really lowered his standards to such a level? Perhaps it was only because the prize was getting to have Marik be his sidekick; he knew that would be rather enjoyable. Only because he would be able to order the tan, blond around and if any questions were asked, he could simply reply with 'He's my sidekick.'

Marik approached Bakura snapping him out of his thoughts, "Hey Fluffy."

Bakura tried to keep a look on his face that made him appear that he really did not care what the former tomb keeper had to say, even though he was a tad curious. He crossed his arms, "What are you up to?" Bakura made his voice sound extremely cutting and not caring.

Marik smirked in a way that deeply intrigued Bakura into what the boy could be planning before he replied, "I'm going to kick your ass!" Then spun on one foot and exited the store.

Bakura sighed in annoyance; he then readjusted his blue and white striped T-shirt and left the store. It was time to put his plan into action.

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><p>The white haired thief walked inside Ryou's apartment, he tried to turn on the lights but they appeared to not be working. It was another sure sign of the Slenderman. He also noticed a huge drop in room temperature from the complex's hallway into the apartment. Bakura almost wished he had brought his trench coat for extra warmth. He decided to make it quick as he swiftly and silently made his way to the closed closet door and shouted, "Slendy! Stop screwing the Rake, I got something for you!"<p>

The door slowly opened and tentacle like arms crept out, followed by a faceless man in a disheveled tuxedo. "Hi Baaaakuuuraaaa."

Bakura had an emotionless expression on his face as he dug into his pocket, "Here is your bloody twenty dollars, now leave my hikari's apartment."

Tentacles extended from the slim, un-proportionate creature before him and wrapped around the money, "Why thank-you, Baaaaakuuuuraaaa."

"Yeah, now get out!" Bakura was pissed now, not really for any particular reason, probably because the Slenderman makes people near him mad or extremely frightened, until they go insane.

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><p>Bakura watched from the entrance of the complex as the Slenderman left the building leading Masky and the Rake towards a children's park. The newspaper would have some great upcoming headlines for sure, assuming the victims survived or had their bodies found by authorities.<p>

At that point, the yami made his way to the tent that now had a lamp glowing from within and Ryou looked like he was much better than before. The albinos waited there, drinking tea while they waited for Marik to return and Ryou to say that Bakura had won the first challenge. Ryou glanced at his watch then over to Bakura, "Shouldn't you be calling Marik? He might still think the Slenderman is in my closet."

"He'll find out." Bakura stated lifting the tea cup to his lips.

Ryou sighed and took another sip of tea. Then from outside the albinos heard a scream, not just any scream, but Marik's scream.

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><p><strong>AN: YES! Cliffhanger! But no worries, it isn't too bad. But who would have guessed that Ryou had a problem with Slendy? And, who thinks they know what happened to Marik?**

**I do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, the Slenderman, convenience stores, tea, or Dora the Explorer (in case you were curious.) However, the entire plot of this madness was entirely mine.**


	3. Challenge Two Has a Library!

**A/N: I can't believe how long it took to write this. I mean, I even have a plan for this story… Oh well, I just hope everyone enjoys this fun-filled chapter. Most of it is just filler, but it is necessary filler!**

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><p>Flashes of white fled through a darkening forest, one a little bit ahead of the other but both rather fast due to adrenaline. The one barely keeping up had gotten smacked in the head by branches a numerous amount of times but ignored the pain only hoping that Marik, who had originally screamed in the woods, was okay. Bakura, on the other hand, had flashes of the Egyptian being beaten by creeps or rabid animals attacking the boy, every scenario ended with Marik being dead and the scream he and his hikari had heard was his final attempt to reach for help. The albino felt fury raging from his entire being and his eyes stinging from tears on the verge of flowing from his red-brown orbs in an endless stream as he rushed through the woods trying to keep every sense on high alert to find his partner in crime. It was when he came to a clearing in the woods he froze. Ryou, who was not expecting the sudden stop, ran straight into Bakura's back. He backed away from the still frozen Bakura. This had confused him so the albino walked around his yami and saw the scene that left Bakura speechless and even more pissed off than usual. Marik sat in the clearing with Melvin, playing checkers.<p>

"Hi Bakura!" Marik shouted and then looked to Ryou, "Oh, hi Ryou, I didn't see you…"

Bakura was fuming, so Ryou took this as a hint to speak, "Um, what exactly are you doing, Marik?"

"Oh! Well, I was going to get the Slenderman with some nets that I bought. Then Melvin took the nets and said I couldn't have them back until I beat him at checkers." Marik answered matter of factly.

It was then that Bakura finally decided to speak, "What were you screaming for?" He growled through clenched teeth.

"Well I lost… again… for the seventh time." Marik muttered with a look of shame.

Bakura's right eye twitched as he proceeded to shriek, "MARIK, DON'T SCREAM LIKE THAT CAN'T YOU SEE HOW WORRIED I-" Bakura paused, "Ryou was!"

Ryou stood off towards the edge of the clearing and face-palmed while Bakura crossed his arms and allowed his arrogance to be the only emotion seen. Marik was just confused with the albino twosome's opposite reactions, so Melvin simply stood up from the checker board and began, "I would like to be in the contest!"

Ryou snapped up from his position and looked towards Marik's yami. This man who wanted to partake in the contest to most people looked like an insane Egyptian who suffered from the explosion of a hair gel bottle, but to Ryou, this man was probably his worst nightmare. He had hugs that caused death and had named Ryou his pet, a kitten to be exact. So it was only normal that Ryou was speechless, he did not wish to be rude and deny Melvin a chance in an evil contest but this was someone he feared! Of course, Bakura had his own thoughts to the matter as well, "No, you can't be in the contest Melvin." He started, still fuming mind you, "We have already begun the contest."

Melvin frowned at the news and Marik snapped out of his stupor, "Wait… did you chase away Slendy?" he questioned.

The albino yami's frustration seemed to reach its peak as his face seemed to be turning a whole new shade of red from anger, "YES! DID YOU NOT GET THAT YOU BUGGERING FOOL!"

Marik raced over to Bakura, shocking both Melvin and Ryou, "Remember your blood pressure, Bakura! You need to calm down!" he stated in that foolish way he always mustered in situations such as the current one.

Bakura amazingly took Marik's advice and let out a sigh. Then the said Egyptian proceeded to pull the fluffy thief into a hug the while murmuring, "That's a good kitty."

Melvin's jaw dropped, "He was angry and…" he pointed to them and looked at Ryou, "How?"

Ryou shrugged. "How about we go back to the apartment, we need rest for tomorrow's challenge." He stated, leading the way through the branches.

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><p>Marik and Bakura found themselves staying the night in Ryou's apartment. Somehow, in the morning, Melvin was found in the kitchen making pancakes. Marik and Bakura sat at the table in the now overcrowded kitchen of apartment, arguing over something that sounded like Bakura had snoring issues to Melvin who easily silenced them by dropping pancakes that could compare to the size of Kaiba's ego onto the glass plates he had set out earlier. The glass could be heard cracking under the bready monstrosities as Melvin sat down in a seat he claimed by carving his name into it with the Millennium rod. He then began to dig in to the pancake and pour tons of syrup all over his breakfast and parts of the table. Marik and Bakura watched; Marik in amusement and Bakura in boredom. It was about then that Ryou walked in with a cell phone to his ear. Bakura's attention strayed from Melvin's devouring of the mega-pancake and to his hikari. If there was one thing Bakura knew about what used to be his host, he would never do anything impolite. Ryou was talking on the phone before nine 'o' clock. Bakura could not resist the chance, "Hey, aren't you the little hypocrite." Ryou's head snapped up at comment, "Wasn't it you who scolded me for almost a straight week saying how impolite it is to call someone early in the morning and to wait until a decent time to call?"<p>

Ryou, who was rather startled from Bakura's outburst, muttered a quick good-bye into the phone and closed it. He looked to Bakura, took a deep breath and then answered, "Well, I needed to call a friend while she was in town to help me with something."

Marik, who was now interested in the conversation, decided to add his input, "Did it have to do with the contest?"

"You could say that." Ryou answered, sitting down to eat a giant pancake that Melvin placed in front of him.

Bakura was not exactly satisfied with Ryou's answer to the strange behavior he pulled but that thought went to the back of his mind as Marik began to poke his shoulder, more likely to annoy him than anything else.

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><p>The four boys finished breakfast and somehow managed to keep the apartment standing, so Ryou led them to the Domino Public Library. The place did not contain many books as it needed to be updated and who would donate money to a library when they could donate money to a company who mass produced card games? But books were not the reason Ryou had made the next challenge take place in this location. It was for the computers. The old computers that were named after different species of dinosaur by the librarians to give visitors the idea of how old, and more importantly, slow the bulky hardware was. Ryou started up the T-Rex and Triceratops for Bakura and Marik while explaining what the challenge would be, "One of the most evil things I've ever seen on the internet is spamming and flaming. I will have Melvin here to tally each of you on who does the most spamming and flaming. All you do is get his attention and he will check the monitor and then tally if you have spammed or flamed. You have two hours, any questions?"<p>

Bakura raised an eyebrow, "Where are you going to be during all this?"

Ryou seemed to be expecting the question, "I'm meeting with the friend I called earlier. Anything else?" Ryou took a glance, seeing no more problems and said go while proceeding to walk away.

Bakura looked over to Marik who seemed to already be on You Tube flaming random videos, "Hey, Marik?"

Purple eyes pierced into Bakura's being, "What?"

"Well, I thought Ryou seemed a bit off today." He stated and then muttered under his breath, _"Everyone seems to be a little out of character today…"_ While glancing at Melvin who happened to be holding a clipboard with an unwavering stare at Marik's monitor.

Bakura sighed and began to spam some site he found. After about an hour, Melvin told them to take a break and he would count the tallies for the first hour. Marik seemed rather confident as he sat smirking in his chair. Bakura decided to ask about it later, as for now, many people had made their way in the building. Quite a few men were on the computers around them but most importantly, Ryou had a group of girls sitting at a table with him. They were writing on a huge sheet of paper. Something strange was going on and Bakura was going to investigate. He was about to get up when he saw tan hands on his shoulders keeping him down. Melvin looked at both him and Marik, "The next hour begins."

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><p><strong>AN: So, who do you think will win this challenge? What could Ryou be up to? Are you going to review with the answers? Why am I asking you all these questions?**

**I also do not own Yu-Gi-Oh, public libraries, huge sheets of paper used for plotting, or giant pancakes that could end world hunger. However, I do own the idea for this story of complete and utter madness.**


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